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Author Topic: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !  (Read 42118 times)

Offline NorCal DiverDave

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #75 on: May 06, 2011, 10:10:17 PM »
Who is Jack Schitt? The lineage is finally revealed! Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says: "You don't know Jack Schitt."
Now you can intellectually handle the situation:

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt.
They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The Deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents objection, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were still living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Shitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens Wedding.
The Schitt-Happens children were Daawg, Byrd, Hoarse and Bull.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", You can correct them!

Offline Brandon Turknett

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #76 on: May 07, 2011, 10:55:01 AM »
LMFAO, very nice dave. Where do you guys come up with this stuff?
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Offline MATT MATTISON

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #77 on: May 07, 2011, 12:29:10 PM »
 :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4:
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Calif_Diver

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #78 on: May 07, 2011, 04:59:35 PM »
 A georgous Blond woman is  begging her husband to fix the leaky faucet under the sink,as he is heading out the door to go play  golf he ask the wife, "what do i look like a  friggin plumber"? So while hubby is gone playing golf , the wife calls the plumber to fix the leak. When the husband gets home from playing golf the wife tels him she had a plumber fix the leak,the husband ask :well how did you pay him, i know you didnt have any money. Wife says" i told him i could bake him a cake or have sex with  him" . Husband asks what kind of cake did you bake? Wife says " Who do i look like friggin  Betty Crocker".

Offline maodiver

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #79 on: May 07, 2011, 10:04:21 PM »
Next time you are in eastern Idaho, check this place out..

http://rexcc.com/thingstodo/parkstrails/parkscounty/beaverdickpark.html

Yup...it's really called that.
Dad, what's for dinner?

Wookie steaks

Are they good?

Ehhh, they're a little Chewy.

Offline Diver Dan

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #80 on: May 12, 2011, 11:18:05 PM »
This is an Incredible story!

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .



On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.


The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.


He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.


As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,


after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.


The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments..


Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.


Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.


Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.



 

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.


As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and


walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.


The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.


The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.


Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.


Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.


He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.


The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs


and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.



 

Probably wasn't the same elephant..

 
 This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

dlcesar

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #81 on: May 14, 2011, 11:17:13 AM »
FAMILY PICTURE






You gotta wonder - what exactly is the f...ing point of taking this picture.???????

God bless being born in the good old USA :icon_salut:

dlcesar

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #82 on: May 14, 2011, 11:23:08 AM »
Here is the text in the box it is kinda hard and small to read.---


" Family picture- the one on the left is my wife, in the center, my mother in law, next to her is my sister, and to the right is my sister in law....
Wait! I think that the one in the center is my wife, on the right is my mother in law, and to the left is my mother...
Now I cant remember if my daughter came on that day.... she might be on the right. Is my wife the one in the center??????
Sorry!!!!! What a mess..... I cant figure this out......"

Offline livesinhumboldt

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #83 on: May 18, 2011, 07:02:30 PM »
[smg id=1527]

Gotta love Marines !!!
Bryan S.

Offline Joshua R.

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #84 on: May 18, 2011, 07:09:40 PM »
The curbs are really high in Oroville.  Watch your step dum@$s

Offline MATT MATTISON

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #85 on: May 18, 2011, 09:13:54 PM »
That is classic  :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7:
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Red Abalone Diving

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #86 on: May 18, 2011, 11:04:30 PM »
Who is Jack Schitt? The lineage is finally revealed! Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says: "You don't know Jack Schitt."
Now you can intellectually handle the situation:

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt.
They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The Deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents objection, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were still living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Shitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens Wedding.
The Schitt-Happens children were Daawg, Byrd, Hoarse and Bull.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", You can correct them!
Here is the video clip for the shit of it.
 

Offline maodiver

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #87 on: May 19, 2011, 11:03:04 AM »
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the   Bozeman, Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights.

One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East ....

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures.  Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. 

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.'

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?'
 
The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness  beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . .  .

'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, But I do believe it's a-comin'.'
Dad, what's for dinner?

Wookie steaks

Are they good?

Ehhh, they're a little Chewy.

Offline Julian

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #88 on: May 20, 2011, 03:06:14 PM »
This is an Incredible story!

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.  As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.


Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.


Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.



 

Probably wasn't the same elephant..

 
 This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

bahahahahaha Stealing this

Offline Byers

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Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
« Reply #89 on: May 23, 2011, 01:51:55 PM »
talk about too close for comfort

http://www.wimp.com/vegetablemarket/
Bob Byers

 

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