NorCal Underwater Hunters

General Discussion => Off-Topic Discussion => Topic started by: MATT MATTISON on August 27, 2010, 03:07:12 PM

Title: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on August 27, 2010, 03:07:12 PM
Here is a funnyyou tube clip I came across on NICKA, be warned it is profanity heavy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClCmO42_tQ0&feature=player_embedded# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClCmO42_tQ0&feature=player_embedded#)!
Title: Re: Funy You tube clip ! profanity heavy !!!!!
Post by: MATT MATTISON on August 27, 2010, 03:14:42 PM
More funny stuff
http://biggeekdad.com/2010/06/old-rock-stars/ (http://biggeekdad.com/2010/06/old-rock-stars/)
Title: Re: Funy You tube clip ! profanity heavy !!!!!
Post by: MATT MATTISON on August 27, 2010, 03:23:58 PM
The Day the Penis asked for a Raise           

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


Sincerely,

P. Niss

 

The Response

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following

reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do

not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other

locations.


You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in

order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing

the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 60.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed

the assigned task..


And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and

exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

 

Sincerely,

 

V. Gina
Title: Re: Funy You tube clip ! profanity heavy !!!!!
Post by: Glaucus on August 27, 2010, 03:49:28 PM
 :laughing4:  Where do you find this crap?
Title: Re: Funy You tube clip ! profanity heavy !!!!!
Post by: NorCal DiverDave on August 28, 2010, 11:48:12 AM
That is f--k--g funny  :laughing7:
Title: Re: Funy You tube clip ! profanity heavy !!!!!
Post by: Brandon Turknett on August 28, 2010, 11:52:16 AM
Good stuff Matt, Tim Hawkins is pretty funny. you come up with some crazy shiot buddy.
Title: Re: Funy You tube clip ! profanity heavy !!!!!
Post by: MATT MATTISON on August 29, 2010, 10:42:50 AM
here is some more

Rodney Carrington Stand Up Comedy Live 6 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elIFrSGEBxk#)

my all time favorite
Rodney Carrington - Show Them to Me.flv (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCOIeYSwbXs#ws)
Title: Re: Funy You tube clip ! profanity heavy !!!!!
Post by: MATT MATTISON on August 30, 2010, 02:10:47 PM
Here is the joke of the day I got these from another board that I am part of.
Fishing & Reading

A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern California. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the waters, the wife decides to take the kayak out. She paddles out a short distance, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't that obvious?)"

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. So I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the policeman.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment."

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Note: Smart Women Fish and Read

JOKE #2
 > FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO ACHIEVE A HAPPY LIFE:
> >
> > 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from
> > time to time, cleans and has a job.
> >
> > 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
> >
> > 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie
>to
> > you.
> >
> > 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to
> > be with you.
> >
> > 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each
>other.

JOKE #3
A guy gets a call from his blond girlfriend. She tells him she has a new puzzle of a tiger and all of the pieces are spread out all over the kitchen table. She says she can't figure out how to put it together and asks him to come home and help.

When he gets home, he finds her looking at a box with a drawing of Tony The Tiger, with the table covered with Frosted Flakes.


[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Funy You tube clip ! profanity heavy !!!!!
Post by: MATT MATTISON on August 30, 2010, 02:15:43 PM
BLACK TESTICLES
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?' Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry  about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!' The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very
closely......A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?
Title: Re: Funy You tube clip ! profanity heavy !!!!!
Post by: MATT MATTISON on September 02, 2010, 10:13:33 AM
Outsmart a woman? Are you kidding?

     A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I've been asked to go Trophy Abalone diving with my boss and several of his friends for some trophy Abalone diving. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, Please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend. Could you also get my dive gear out of the garage ? We're leaving at 4:30 PM from the office, and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh ... and please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas. We have the new CEO with us, and I'd like to look presentable during our poker game night. The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked. Following the long weekend, he came home a little tired, but otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he got any trophy abalone ?   He says, "Yes! Lots of tens and one 11 incher." He continued, "But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to?" The wife replies, "I did. They're in your dive bag."  Never, never, NEVER ... try to out smart a woman!
Title: Funny stuff, video's, jokes
Post by: MATT MATTISON on September 03, 2010, 09:56:00 AM
Subject: JOKES TO OFFEND JUST ABOUT EVERYONE

.

A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom. " Holy Shit" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb...!!

Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road.  A man asks "What's wrong?"
Boy says "Me Ma is dead". "Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley ?" Wee boy replies"No thanks Mister, sex is the last thing on me mind right now."

Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people of the world. Told them to " F**k Off". Anyone who fits into my clothes isn't starving!

Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.

Turned on my cars navigation system and it said 'Bear Left' and there was the zoo. How good is that?

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you would see  an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " Cool- I'll snag that right now!"

Man lost in a hot air balloon over a farm. He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?" The farmer looks up and shouts back "Are you serious? You're in that freakin basket!"

Bubba is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials 911..
Bubba says "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her. I've killed her" The operator says. "Please calm down sir. Are you sure she is dead?"
CLICK,BANG ..."I am now!  What next?"
 
 
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on September 14, 2010, 03:57:55 PM
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can you cry under water?

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it rape or shoplifting?

How important does a person have to be, before they considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'?  Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes they buried you in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still a hearing?

Why are actors IN a movie, but ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway...

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Corn oil is made from corn, vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you?

When you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table
you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE.........
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons suffers from some sort of mental illness.

Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: NorCal DiverDave on October 26, 2010, 06:42:51 PM
>>THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A
>>TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST
>>ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

>>My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
>>Marrying you screwed up my life.

>>I see your face when I am dreaming.
>>That's why I always wake up screaming.

>>Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
>>This describes everything you are not.

>>Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
>>But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed
>>I thought that I could love no other --
>>that is until I met your brother.

>>Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
>>But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty
>>and so is your head.

>>I want to feel your sweet embrace;
>>But don't take that paper bag off your face.

>>I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
>>Damn, I'm good at telling lies.
>>My love, you take my breath away.
>>What have you stepped in to smell this way?

>>My feelings for you no words can tell,
>>Except for maybe "Go to hell."

>>What inspired this amorous rhyme?
>>Two parts vodka, one part lime
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on October 28, 2010, 03:29:23 PM
Here are a couple of good jokes I snaged from another board,

JOKE #1

Two hillbilly brothers are sitting on a fence talking about Jeb's upcoming wedding day.
Billy Ray asks Jeb: You looks kinda sad, what's wrong?
Jeb: Well I'm worried about my bride to be
Billy Ray: What's to be worried about? She's a fine lookin girl from a good family.
Jeb: But, she's a virgin
Billy Ray: Why would that bother you?
Jeb: I been wonderin, if she ain't good enough for her family, what makes her good enough for ours?

JOKE #2

THE TALKING CLOCK!
 
AFTER CLOSING TIME AT THE BAR, A DRUNK WAS SHOWING HIS NEW APARTMENT TO A COUPLE OF HIS FRIENDS.
HE LED THE WAY TO HIS BEDROOM WHERE THERE WAS A BIG BRASS GONG AND A MALLET.
"WHAT'S UP WITH THE BIG BRASS GONG?" ONE OF HIS GUESTS ASKED.
"IT'S NOT A GONG. IT'S A TALKING CLOCK," THE DRUNK REPLIED.
"A TALKING CLOCK? SERIOUSLY?" ASKED HIS ASTONISHED FRIEND.
"YUP," REPLIED THE DRUNK.
"HOW'S IT WORK?" THE FRIEND ASKED, SQUINTING AT IT.
"WATCH," THE DRUNK REPLIED.
HE PICKED UP THE MALLET, GAVE THE GONG AN EAR-SHATTERING POUND AND STEPPED BACK.
THE THREE STOOD LOOKING AT ONE ANOTHER FOR A MOMENT.
SUDDENLY A VOICE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL SCREAMED ...
"YOU ASSHOLE!   IT'S THREE-FIFTEEN IN THE MORNING!"

JOKE #3

after being in prison for 15 years, a man escapes.he breaks into a house to look for money & guns but finds a young couple in bed. he orders the man out of bed and ties him to a chair. he then ties the ladie up to the bed , kisses her neck then goes into the bathroom. the husband tells his wife "listen , this guys a dangrous escaped convict! he hasnt seen a women in YEARS! i saw how he kissed your neck , if he wants to F**% you dont resist , dont complain just do anything he wants or he might kill us! Be strong honey. i love you!"
  the wife responds "he wasnt kissing my neck , he was whispering in my ear. he told me he was gay and thought you were cute then asked if we had any vaseline , i told him it was in the bathroom , BE STRONG HONEY...I LOVE YOU TOO"

JOKE #4
How do they circumsize the whales at Seaworld ?

four skin divers.

JOKE #5
A husband was thinking of a birthday present to give to his wife.
As he drove by a local airport he saw a billboard advertising a "thrill of a lifetime" plane ride.
excited that his wife would enjoy an acrobatic plane ride for her birthday he went to the hangar and talked to the pilot about the cost of the flight. 
The pilot said the flight was going to cost him $500.  The husband said that that was more than he could afford and he began to haggle to get the price lowered.  The pilot lowered the cost 50% to $250 but the husband kept haggling.  Frustrated, the pilot said that if the wife and husband kept quiet throughout the flight and not scream or make the slightest sound the plane ride would be free.
The husband drives home and tells the wife about the flight and deal he made and the condition for the free flight.
The next day they take off with the pilot and the first stunt was an inverted flyby over the tower...No Sound from the Back......the second stunt was a loop the loop....still no sound from the back...third stunt was a corkscrew and still no sound from the back....
Finally the pilots lands the plane and congratulated the husband for not making any sound and getting the free flight.  The husband replied " I came that close to screaming when my wife fell out off the plane on the first stunt"






Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on November 05, 2010, 02:15:28 PM
Here is another good one !!!!

Crusty Top (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsopN3nYMlI&feature=player_embedded#ws)

and here is another hillbilly joke !
Cletus is passing by billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees billy bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John deere.
Buttocks clenched, billy bob performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, he let's his overalls fall down to his hips revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Grabbing both sides of his shirt he rips it apart to reveal his stained tee shirt underneath. With a final flourish he tears the tee shirt from his body and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough cletus rushes in and says "what the heck are you doing, billy bob?"
"jeez, cletus, ya scares the snot 'outta me!" exclaims billy bob. The obviously embarrassed, he says, "me and the old lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on November 22, 2010, 02:48:04 PM
here are some diving cartoons enjoy

(http://s3.postimage.org/wn0dq5l0/cmo0011l.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/wn0dq5l0/)

(http://s3.postimage.org/wn3osukk/index.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/wn3osukk/)

(http://s3.postimage.org/wn8new1w/jkn0461l.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/wn8new1w/)

(http://s3.postimage.org/wndm0xj8/jkn0464l.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/wndm0xj8/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on November 23, 2010, 04:44:05 PM
Here is another one I came across

(http://s3.postimage.org/164dwa37o/images_6.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/164dwa37o/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: livesinhumboldt on November 23, 2010, 09:48:10 PM
 :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on November 24, 2010, 07:07:18 AM
 :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on November 24, 2010, 01:06:52 PM
Came across this on the NCKA site

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'

He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.

She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'

He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel combo are $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on November 27, 2010, 12:57:12 PM
Funniest Song Parody Ever not for kids profanity heavy and sexual content.


Funniest Song Parody Ever (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwMgZz3Kn5w&feature=player_embedded#ws)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Diver Dan on December 01, 2010, 08:45:02 PM
Fortunately I am not a big chocolate fan to begin with.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on December 02, 2010, 03:20:18 PM
You all got to check this one out !!! it is good for a great laugh !!!!!
I know I was busting up at my pc for a few !!!!

http://biggeekdad.com/2010/09/steve-gets-arrested-again/ (http://biggeekdad.com/2010/09/steve-gets-arrested-again/)


here is some more from our good friend steve.

Steves Riding Lawn Mower DUI Arrest Video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNPxIibhcKY#)

Steve the Lawn Mower Guy's Domestic Arrest Video 3 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fds_hupE2vQ#)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on December 07, 2010, 11:46:38 AM
Thought  for the day.... 

   Calling an illegal alien an
'undocumented immigrant'
is like calling a drug dealer an
'unlicensed pharmacist'

Funny statements

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?'   
She hit me.

How come we choose from just  two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.   

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'


Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Julian on December 09, 2010, 12:46:54 PM
A big, roided-out body builder is sitting at a bar and starts hitting it off with a gorgeous blonde.  Their talk starts heating up and he suggests she come back to his place with him.
Once theyre inside, they start making out furiously.  The bodybuilder steps back, tears off his shirt, and says "You see that baby?  Thats 200 pounds of DYNAMITE!"  The girl starts drooling.
Next, he takes off his pants and shows off his thighs and buttocks to her, again saying, "See these baby?  Thats 100 pounds of rock hard DYNAMITE!" 
The girl cant contain herself any longer and hungrily yanks down his underwear...then her eyes bug out and she runs from the room in a panic.  The bodybuilder runs over and cuts her off in the hallway, baffled.  He asks, "Whats wrong babe?"
She says "Well when I see 300 pounds of dynamite with such a short fuse on it I figure I better get the fuk out of here!"


A Brit, a Scotsman, and an Irishman all walk into a bar, sit down on 3 empty stools, and order a mug of beer each.  Right when their drinks arrive, 3 flies fly overhead and one falls into each man's mug.
The Brit wrinkles his nose and pushes his mug away, disgusted and refusing to drink.
The Scotsman grabs the fly, throws it out, and keeps on drinking as if nothing happened.
The Irishman grabs the fly by the wings, holds it over his mug, and starts screaming, "SPIT IT OUT!  SPIT IT OUT YE BASTARD!"


A man comes home after learning that he just won the super lotto.  He bursts through the front door and yells upstairs to his girlfriend,  "BABY, PACK YOUR BAGS!  I JUST HIT THE LOTTO!"
His girlfriend is overcome with excitement.  "THATS GREAT HONEY!  SHOULD I PACK FOR THE MOUNTAINS OR THE TROPICS?"
He shouts back, "I DONT CARE!  JUST GET THE fuk OUT!"


A hunter is creeping through the forest when he comes up on a huge grizzly bear, takes aim, and shoots it dead.  At that moment he feels a tap on his shoulder and turns around to face an even bigger grizzly.
The grizzly says to him "That was my pal you just killed asshole.  I can either maul you right here and now or bend you over and screw you in the ass...your choice."
The panicked hunter chooses the latter and the bear cornholes him.
After healing up for a few weeks, the hunter returns to the forest, finds a huge moose and shoots it dead.  At that moment he feels a tap on his shoulder and an even bigger moose tells him "Hey jerk that was my friend.  I can either trample you to death or Im gonna screw you up the ass."
The terrified hunter again chooses the rape, and bends over the nearest log.
A month later the hunter cautiously goes back to those woods, sees a black bear and shoots it.  Right away he feels a tap on his shoulder and sees a bigger black bear. 
The bear leans in close and asks the man "Hey buddy, you sure youre here for the hunting?"


A guy goes into a bar and starts drinking heavily.  He starts to get a little rowdy and goes around to each table and stool, apparently hassling and harrassing the customers.  The bartender isnt amused.  The man walks up and asks for another beer, and the bartender tells him "Sorry pal, I think youve had enough.  In fact Im gonna have to ask you to leave."
The man says "Alright how about this...I'll bet you a hundred dollars that I can piss into a mug from ten feet away and not spill ONE drop.  I lose, I'll pay you a hundred bucks.  I win, you gotta give me another beer!"
The bartender chuckles and says "There's no way you can do that, youre on!"
The drunk guy steps ten feet back from a glass, unzips his fly, and starts pissing.  He misses the glass, pisses all over the floor, all over the bartender, and all over the bartender, getting it everywhere BUT the glass.  The bartender starts laughing and demands the hundred bucks.
The guy walks over and hands him a $100 bill, and starts laughing even harder.
The bartender asks, "What's so funny?  You just lost!"
The guy says, "Yeah...but I just bet each of those 6 tables over there $100 each that I could piss all over your bar and you'd be happy about it."


A woman sits down for a long flight next to a wealthy lawyer.  They strike up a conversation and after a while and the man constantly brags about his immense wealth.  The woman gets fed up with it and challenges him to a game.
She says "We'll take turns.  You can ask me any question you want.  If I dont know the answer, I have to give you five dollars.  But any question I ask you and you dont know the answer to, you have to pay me $50.  You can afford that, right?"
The lawyer pompously declares that he can afford anything and he'd be happy to play the game.  He then asks her the outcome of the case of Pennington v. California in 1996.  She doesnt have any idea, so she gives him $5.
The woman says, "OK my turn.  What goes up a hill on four legs and down a hill on three legs?"
The lawyer thinks about it for the next hour.  He even gets out his laptop and goes on the internet searching for an answer.  Finally, as their plane is landing, he gives up and hands her the $50.
The woman tells him "Thanks."
The lawyer says, "Well wait...what goes up a hill on four legs and comes down on three?"
The woman says "Here's $5."
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Stacy Stephenson on December 09, 2010, 01:02:38 PM
Funniest Song Parody Ever not for kids profanity heavy and sexual content.


Funniest Song Parody Ever (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwMgZz3Kn5w&feature=player_embedded#ws)
THAT IS JUST WRONG MY FRIEND!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Stacy Stephenson on December 09, 2010, 01:28:21 PM
Bill Cosby Drugs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMktzmxGu5Y&feature=player_detailpage#)
Here's one for you 215'ers
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Red Abalone Diving on December 09, 2010, 02:41:10 PM
 :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: Still laughing
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on December 09, 2010, 02:55:00 PM
The special and sexy talent of Amy G

The special and sexy talent of Amy G (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddhVSQlExYE#)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Byers on December 10, 2010, 09:23:18 AM
Would You Marry Again?  -   Priceless
 
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over
at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do.."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house.."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "SHIT."
 
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Stacy Stephenson on December 10, 2010, 03:48:36 PM
The special and sexy talent of Amy G

The special and sexy talent of Amy G (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddhVSQlExYE#)
SEXXY HUH
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Stacy Stephenson on December 10, 2010, 04:24:48 PM
shoot i lost my video! Ok I found it. Check this video out cool stuff, Thanks aboloneeten
abalonesong_0002.wmv (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWgWJY3uxnQ#)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on December 10, 2010, 04:51:31 PM
Those girls are cute as can be and I love how they re-did the beatles song, I was at jack likins BBQ when they first performed it.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Byers on December 10, 2010, 05:28:30 PM
WAY COOL,great job ladies  :icon_cheers: :headbang: :hello2:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on December 21, 2010, 09:56:58 AM
A new invention for women !
(http://s2.postimage.org/clr6odno/untitled.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/clr6odno/)

Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men promptly took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the living shit out of him.
 
 
 

Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on December 21, 2010, 12:49:02 PM
Here is another you tube clip that is a knee slapper and a joke enjoy, and ladies this is all done in the name of humor maybe bad humor but humor

Cami Secret Parody (Boob Apron) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tieA5wfcgH4#)
 
"I was watching CNN last night, and a recent scientific study proves 65% of women actually do have intelligent DNA in them...

...The other 35% choose to spit it out!"  
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: chaeki on December 22, 2010, 10:20:57 AM
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter
part of a sentence or phrase is surprising and unexpected in
a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or
reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for
humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes  producing an
anticlimax.
> >
> >              Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God  doesn't work
> >              that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
> >
> >              Ø    Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to
> >              his level and beat you with experience.
> >
> >              Ø    Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
> >              than standing in a garage makes you a car.
> >
> >              Ø    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's
> >              still on the list.
> >
> >              Ø    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some
> >              people appear bright until you hear them speak.
> >
> >              Ø    If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
> >
> >              Ø    We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in
> >              public.
> >
> >              Ø    War does not determine who is right - only who is
> >              left.
> >
> >              Ø    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is
> >              not putting it in a fruit salad.
> >
> >              Ø    Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening',
> >              and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
> >
> >              Ø    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal
> >              from many is research.
> >
> >              Ø    A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is
> >              where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
> >
> >              Ø    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
> >              but it  takes a whole box to start a campfire?
> >
> >              Ø    Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of
> >              captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge
> >              of the pool and throw them fish.
> >
> >              Ø   I  thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted
> >              pay checks.
> >
> >              Ø    A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can
> >              prove that you don't need it.
> >
> >              Ø    Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that
> >              says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
> >
> >              Ø    I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming
> >              you.
> >
> >              Ø    Why does someone believe you when you say there are
> >              four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is
> >              wet?
> >
> >              Ø    Why do Americans choose from just two people to run
> >              for president and 50 for Miss America ?
> >
> >              Ø    Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the
> >              fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
> >
> >              Ø    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad
> >              memory.
> >
> >              Ø    You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need
> >              a parachute to skydive twice.
> >
> >              Ø    The voices in my head may not be real, but they have
> >              some good ideas!
> >
> >              Ø    Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect
> >              it back.
> >
> >              Ø    A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell
> >              in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
> >
> >              Ø    Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at
> >              home, even if you wish they were.
> >
> >              Ø    Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
> >              easier to live with.
> >
> >              Ø    I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about
> >              to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of
> >              seaweed touches my foot.
> >
> >              Ø    Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever
> >              they go.
> >
> >              Ø    I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
> >
> >              Ø    I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice
> >              of lemon,  and a shot of tequila.
> >
> >              Ø    When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that
> >              the Fire Department usually uses water.
> >
> >              Ø    You're never too old to learn something stupid.
> >
> >              Ø    To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
> >              whatever you hit the target.
> >
> >              Ø    Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
> >
> >              Ø    Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people.
> >              Others have no imagination whatsoever.
> >
> >              Ø    A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you
> >              are after it as when you are in it.
> >
> >              Ø    Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: dlcesar on December 22, 2010, 11:33:40 AM
Ok here is a another joke my friend just sent me. He said it was a internet one so would not be surprised if its not on here already. But I thought it was pretty hilarious!!! So here it goes.  :laughing7:          David

How many people does it take to circumcise a whale?

Four skin divers!

Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: dlcesar on December 28, 2010, 10:56:33 PM
Seen in the Personal Ads column
Young attractive male seeks female dive buddy for shared recreation and friendship, must have boat. Please sent photo of boat.  :icon_thumright:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on January 08, 2011, 06:36:23 PM
Miranda Warning

A female police officer arrests a man for drunk driving.

She tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you..."

The drunk says:

"Tits."

 :laughing7: :laughing4: :laughing7: :laughing4:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on January 10, 2011, 10:36:16 AM
Just got this in a email and had to share on this wonderful monday !


Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims:

If…   
1.  You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
     You may be a Muslim
 
 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. 
     You may be a Muslim
 
 3. You have more wives than teeth.   
     You may be a Muslim
 
 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.   
     You may be a Muslim
 
 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.   
     You may be a Muslim
 
 6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
     You may be a Muslim
 
 7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.   
     You may be a Muslim
 
 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside           bombs.   
     You may be a Muslim
 
 9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.   
     You may be a Muslim
 
 10. Your cousin is president of the United States .   
       You may be a Muslim
 
 11. You find this offensive or racist and don't forward it.
      You may be a Muslim.

Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on January 18, 2011, 05:10:30 PM
here is a good one brandon sent me !!!
Russell Peters - Beating Your Kids (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI#)
Title: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Baumer on January 24, 2011, 09:33:34 AM
Funny video I came across.

http://www.wimp.com/mirrorprank/
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on January 24, 2011, 10:53:12 AM
Funniest Song Parody Ever not for kids profanity heavy and sexual content.


Funniest Song Parody Ever (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwMgZz3Kn5w&feature=player_embedded#ws)
THAT IS JUST WRONG MY FRIEND!!
lol
Says the guy with  Surrender the booty in his  tag line .
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on February 04, 2011, 04:27:40 PM
I got this one from my buddy Chad and it is a good one,



A lady walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.  As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farted. 
   
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a sales person wasn't anywhere near. 
   
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Good looking as well. 
 
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's, he politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?' 
 
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?' 
   
He answers, "Madam...if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit when I tell you the price." 



Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on February 11, 2011, 01:54:11 PM
The friday laugh !!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQRMvg5TAl8&feature=player_embedded#at=31 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQRMvg5TAl8&feature=player_embedded#at=31)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on March 08, 2011, 04:05:08 PM
Check this one out makes me bust up every time I watch it !
Spoon Game (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOnRLhHcTok&feature=related#)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on March 16, 2011, 04:22:50 PM
Can you say ouch ! and he sure showed that little pep sqeak bully !
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150446256170188# (http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150446256170188#)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: livesinhumboldt on March 21, 2011, 09:39:19 PM
Boat humor.

'Hi guy, I really need your advice on a serious problem:

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes  out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.

Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her undies out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.

Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?'

Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: livesinhumboldt on March 21, 2011, 09:46:14 PM
The friday laugh !!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQRMvg5TAl8&feature=player_embedded#at=31 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQRMvg5TAl8&feature=player_embedded#at=31)

Now that is funny!!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on March 22, 2011, 07:45:04 AM
good one Brian. :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: livesinhumboldt on April 13, 2011, 10:01:19 PM
http://youtu.be/5rf1Bn3Rg0o (http://youtu.be/5rf1Bn3Rg0o) ... too funny
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Diver Dan on April 13, 2011, 10:11:01 PM
http://youtu.be/5rf1Bn3Rg0o (http://youtu.be/5rf1Bn3Rg0o) ... too funny

hell-arious!  I can't believe people were rained on by whale blubber 1/4 mile away!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Red Abalone Diving on April 14, 2011, 06:56:39 AM
http://youtu.be/5rf1Bn3Rg0o (http://youtu.be/5rf1Bn3Rg0o) ... too funny

hell-arious!  I can't believe people were rained on by whale blubber 1/4 mile away!
I saw this one a few years back, classic foobar funny.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on April 14, 2011, 10:06:26 AM
There were three Californians out sailing, a hook and line fisherman, a rockpicker, and a NorCal Underwater Hunter. They get shipwrecked on this uncharted island. Shortly after climbing onto the beach they are surrounded by hostile cannibals. The chief conveys to them that the cannibals intend to kill them and eat them. Then they will use their skin to make a canoe. But each man will be able to choose how he dies. The chief will give them that dignity. The hook and line fisherman goes first. He exclaims "Give me a sword!" They find a sword and the man has them chop his head off. The cannibals strip his flesh to cook and take his skin to use for a canoe. The rockpicker volunteers to go next. He asks the chief to use a coconut and bash his head in. The cannibals comply and bash him in the head with a coconut until he dies. They strip his flesh and take his skin for a canoe. Now only the NorCal Underwater Hunter remains. He tells the chief "Give me a fork." The cannibals are confused and tell him that he must choose a method of death. He still insists "Give me a fork!". Finally the chief gives in and lets the man have a fork. The NorCal Underwater Hunter starts repeatedly stabbing himself all over yelling "fuk you! Here's your canoe bitch!"
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on April 14, 2011, 11:58:16 AM
There were three Californians out sailing, a hook and line fisherman, a rockpicker, and a NorCal Underwater Hunter. They get shipwrecked on this uncharted island. Shortly after climbing onto the beach they are surrounded by hostile cannibals. The chief conveys to them that the cannibals intend to kill them and eat them. Then they will use their skin to make a canoe. But each man will be able to choose how he dies. The chief will give them that dignity. The hook and line fisherman goes first. He exclaims "Give me a sword!" They find a sword and the man has them chop his head off. The cannibals strip his flesh to cook and take his skin to use for a canoe. The rockpicker volunteers to go next. He asks the chief to use a coconut and bash his head in. The cannibals comply and bash him in the head with a coconut until he dies. They strip his flesh and take his skin for a canoe. Now only the NorCal Underwater Hunter remains. He tells the chief "Give me a fork." The cannibals are confused and tell him that he must choose a method of death. He still insists "Give me a fork!". Finally the chief gives in and lets the man have a fork. The NorCal Underwater Hunter starts repeatedly stabbing himself all over yelling "fuk you! Here's to your canoe bitch!"


LOVE IT  :laughing7: :laughing4: :laughing7: :laughing4: :laughing7: :laughing4: :laughing7: :laughing4: :laughing7: :laughing4: :laughing7: :laughing4: :laughing7: :laughing4: :laughing7: :laughing4:
Title: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Abdvrob on April 18, 2011, 07:00:42 PM
Not bad!!
Title: Re: секс знакомс
Post by: maodiver on April 18, 2011, 07:34:54 PM
спасибо...


Пожалуйста
Title: Re: секс знакомс
Post by: Russ R. on April 18, 2011, 08:11:05 PM
спасибо...
спасибо...


Пожалуйста

 ??????????????????????? Sorry to be the first to say it but what language is that???????????????????????????????????????????????
Title: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Abdvrob on April 18, 2011, 08:32:35 PM
You mean you two weren't communicating there?!?! To be honest, thought it was some kind of Russian...
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Byers on April 18, 2011, 08:38:42 PM
RUSS!!!!!!!! WRONG WEB PAGE! WRONG WEB PAGE ! hehehehehe Russia Chicks gone wild
Title: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Abdvrob on April 18, 2011, 09:17:08 PM
Gotta link for me?? Hehehe...
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Russ R. on April 20, 2011, 09:56:35 PM
I know bob Im trying to order a bride from russia as we speak..........Wait nevermind I live in Rancho.............Ill get one down the street at the church......  :la: :la:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Red Abalone Diving on April 20, 2011, 10:27:32 PM
Wait: its a KGB sleeper cell. They send their good looking gals to SAC No?
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Byers on April 21, 2011, 08:20:50 AM
Phone # please and Pictures :pottytrain2:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Red Abalone Diving on April 21, 2011, 10:30:10 AM
Phone # please and Pictures :pottytrain2:
Oh my friend, one needs not to look far for them pic's and phone numbers :toothy9:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on April 28, 2011, 07:41:31 PM
True Story.....

Last weekend I went spearfishing with some friends in Ventura which gave me and the wife a chance to visit a friend of our that moved down there a year ago.  She's a vegetarian and more than a little off her nut, yes you can see where this is going.  Saturday after I got back from a morning of spearfishing she laid into me in the car on our way to see some other friends.  In the car was me, my wife, her and her boyfriend.  She starts calling me a murderer and laying all her PETA BS on me which I have no problem turning around on her and now everyone in the car is laughing at her, which she hates, so she goes extreme and starts saying, "what are you going to do when you get to heaven and they say we don't let fish murderers in?"  So I say, "wasn't Jesus a fisherman?" "Wasn't it him that said give a man a fish you feed him for a day, teach him to fish and you feed him for life?"

Now she's furious so she tries to pick a second assault she says, " when you're at the gate and St. Peter says you can't come in cause you're a murderer what will your answer be?" I say, " wasn't Peter a fisherman too?"  "Weren't they all fisherman?"  "What are you going to say when you get to heaven and they say hello welcome to heaven, where's your fish?" If you're trying to picture it, imagine three people laughing so hard they can't breath and one pissed off PETA rep.   

So now her self preservation kicks in and she says she'll just call me and ask me to bring her a fish and I say, "But I've promised my wife that I won't die before her so now I'd have to kill her so why don't I just have her bring it to you?"  My wife's screaming "why do I have to die?" But then she remembers she made me promise and gives a shoulder shrugging, "oh yeah". Now everyone is laughing, I pretend to hand my wife a fish and say, "here honey, give this to Anna when you see her.  WHACK! (pretending to club her)"  Freakin hillarious!!

The moral of the story is that people with different views can get along.  Her boyfriend has been a vegetarian since he was fifteen and he thoroughly enjoyed the theological beating she got this weekend.  At one point she was talking to her 8 year old daughter about the conspiracy theory behind Kurt Cobain and was ranting that she has a report which proves Courtney Love had him killed that her daughter could read and I remarked that she should always eat a healthy amount of protein before trying to analize any information from her mother.  My parting gift was a chicken caesar salad I left in her fridge which she specifically told me to take with me.  I'm going to call her right now and make sure she didn't waste it cause that would wound my soul if that poor chicken died in vein.

Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: poidogdives on April 29, 2011, 01:17:12 AM
 :laughing4: People Eating Tasty Animals  :hello2:
Title: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Abdvrob on April 29, 2011, 06:52:34 AM
That's an awesome story!!!
Sounds like you put her in her place. I love self-righteous people.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: NorCal DiverDave on April 29, 2011, 12:49:00 PM
 :laughing7:  Good story Josh.  :toothy9:

PETA  :thefinger:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Byers on April 29, 2011, 01:02:04 PM
wish I could have been there<<<<good job
Title: messing with the old guys
Post by: Byers on May 05, 2011, 09:28:50 PM
Sleeping with Bob

 

   The guys were all at a deer camp.  No one wanted to room with Bob

because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of 

 them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

 

   The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning

with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man,

what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up

and watched him all night."

 

   The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same

thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man,

what happened to you? You look awful!  He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes

the roof with his snoring.   I watched him all night."

 

   The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a

man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and

bushy-tailed. "Good   morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They

said, "Man, what happened?"

 

   He said, "Well, we got ready for bed.  I went and tucked Bob into

bed, patted him on the butt and kissed him good night.  Bob sat up

and watched me all night."

 

   The old are a little wiser, when they can remember!

Title: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Abdvrob on May 06, 2011, 06:30:23 AM
Lmao!!!!! Now that was funny!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Diver Dan on May 06, 2011, 06:58:39 AM
This is so good:
http://video.ak.fbcdn.net/cfs-ak-ash4/231633/857/2012382155067_5388.mp4?oh=af421873ef86dcf966563c70c7df1ba2&oe=4DC62100&__gda__=1304830208_98a520f982132bd71d81b1ccbe383fed (http://video.ak.fbcdn.net/cfs-ak-ash4/231633/857/2012382155067_5388.mp4?oh=af421873ef86dcf966563c70c7df1ba2&oe=4DC62100&__gda__=1304830208_98a520f982132bd71d81b1ccbe383fed)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on May 06, 2011, 09:47:29 AM
This is so good:
http://video.ak.fbcdn.net/cfs-ak-ash4/231633/857/2012382155067_5388.mp4?oh=af421873ef86dcf966563c70c7df1ba2&oe=4DC62100&__gda__=1304830208_98a520f982132bd71d81b1ccbe383fed (http://video.ak.fbcdn.net/cfs-ak-ash4/231633/857/2012382155067_5388.mp4?oh=af421873ef86dcf966563c70c7df1ba2&oe=4DC62100&__gda__=1304830208_98a520f982132bd71d81b1ccbe383fed)
:laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: NorCal DiverDave on May 06, 2011, 10:10:17 PM
Who is Jack Schitt? The lineage is finally revealed! Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says: "You don't know Jack Schitt."
Now you can intellectually handle the situation:

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt.
They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The Deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents objection, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were still living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Shitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens Wedding.
The Schitt-Happens children were Daawg, Byrd, Hoarse and Bull.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", You can correct them!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Brandon Turknett on May 07, 2011, 10:55:01 AM
LMFAO, very nice dave. Where do you guys come up with this stuff?
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on May 07, 2011, 12:29:10 PM
 :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on May 07, 2011, 04:59:35 PM
 A georgous Blond woman is  begging her husband to fix the leaky faucet under the sink,as he is heading out the door to go play  golf he ask the wife, "what do i look like a  friggin plumber"? So while hubby is gone playing golf , the wife calls the plumber to fix the leak. When the husband gets home from playing golf the wife tels him she had a plumber fix the leak,the husband ask :well how did you pay him, i know you didnt have any money. Wife says" i told him i could bake him a cake or have sex with  him" . Husband asks what kind of cake did you bake? Wife says " Who do i look like friggin  Betty Crocker".
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: maodiver on May 07, 2011, 10:04:21 PM
Next time you are in eastern Idaho, check this place out..

http://rexcc.com/thingstodo/parkstrails/parkscounty/beaverdickpark.html (http://rexcc.com/thingstodo/parkstrails/parkscounty/beaverdickpark.html)

Yup...it's really called that.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Diver Dan on May 12, 2011, 11:18:05 PM
This is an Incredible story!

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .



On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.


The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.


He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.


As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,


after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.


The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments..


Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.


Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.


Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.



 

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.


As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and


walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.


The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.


The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.


Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.


Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.


He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.


The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs


and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.



 

Probably wasn't the same elephant..

 
 This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: dlcesar on May 14, 2011, 11:17:13 AM
FAMILY PICTURE

(http://s4.postimage.org/1stxlbvtw/mime_attachment.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/1stxlbvtw/)


(http://s4.postimage.org/1stpbn5d0/mime_attachment.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/1stpbn5d0/)

You gotta wonder - what exactly is the f...ing point of taking this picture.???????

God bless being born in the good old USA :icon_salut:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: dlcesar on May 14, 2011, 11:23:08 AM
Here is the text in the box it is kinda hard and small to read.---


" Family picture- the one on the left is my wife, in the center, my mother in law, next to her is my sister, and to the right is my sister in law....
Wait! I think that the one in the center is my wife, on the right is my mother in law, and to the left is my mother...
Now I cant remember if my daughter came on that day.... she might be on the right. Is my wife the one in the center??????
Sorry!!!!! What a mess..... I cant figure this out......"
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: livesinhumboldt on May 18, 2011, 07:02:30 PM
[smg id=1527]

Gotta love Marines !!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on May 18, 2011, 07:09:40 PM
The curbs are really high in Oroville.  Watch your step dum@$s
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on May 18, 2011, 09:13:54 PM
That is classic  :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Red Abalone Diving on May 18, 2011, 11:04:30 PM
Who is Jack Schitt? The lineage is finally revealed! Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says: "You don't know Jack Schitt."
Now you can intellectually handle the situation:

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt.
They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The Deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents objection, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were still living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Shitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens Wedding.
The Schitt-Happens children were Daawg, Byrd, Hoarse and Bull.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", You can correct them!
Here is the video clip for the shit of it.
You don't lnow Jack Schit (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhETObVI10w#) 
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: maodiver on May 19, 2011, 11:03:04 AM
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the   Bozeman, Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights.

One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East ....

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures.  Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. 

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.'

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?'
 
The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness  beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . .  .

'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, But I do believe it's a-comin'.'
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Julian on May 20, 2011, 03:06:14 PM
This is an Incredible story!

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.  As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.


Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.


Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.



 

Probably wasn't the same elephant..

 
 This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

bahahahahaha Stealing this
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Byers on May 23, 2011, 01:51:55 PM
talk about too close for comfort

http://www.wimp.com/vegetablemarket/ (http://www.wimp.com/vegetablemarket/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on May 23, 2011, 02:48:00 PM
WTF !!!!!!!! only in Asia !!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: livesinhumboldt on May 23, 2011, 03:33:34 PM
Talk about a city being over crowded .... sheesh
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on June 06, 2011, 10:06:43 AM
a friend sent some recipes, sick and bad humor


http://www.seaotter-sealion.org/recipes/index.html (http://www.seaotter-sealion.org/recipes/index.html)
 

Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Byers on June 06, 2011, 12:13:00 PM
Although short, I'm sure that they will be on The New Times best seller list!!!!!!!!!



 


 

World's Shortest Books

 

THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE 

by Barack Obama

____________________________________________


MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS

By  Tiger Woods

____________________________________________


THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY   
By Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore

Foreword by George Soros

________________________________________


MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS

& HOW I HELPED AFTER  KATRINA
 
By Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
______________________________________


THINGS I  LOVE ABOUT BILL
 
By Hillary Clinton
_________________


Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
 
By Bill Clinton
_________________


THINGS I  CANNOT AFFORD
 
By Bill Gates
____________________________________


THINGS I  WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
 
By Dennis Rodman
_________________________________

THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
 
By Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________
  GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

By Amelia Earhart

____________________________________


HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
 
By Dr. Jack Kevorkian
__________________________________

TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE 
 
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell

__________________

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
 
By Mike Tyson
__________________________________
 

THE AMISH  PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
 

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
 
By O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________


HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
 
By Ted Kennedy

_________


MY BOOK OF MORALS
 
By Bill Clinton
 
With introduction by

The Rev. Jesse Jackson


*******************************************************

HOW TO WIN A SUPERBOWL

BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS

********************************************************


 

AND, JUST ADDED:

My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
  By Nancy Pelosi
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on June 24, 2011, 03:49:40 PM
An Okie with a bucket full of live fish was approach ed recently by a game
warden at Lake Eufaula as he start ed to drive his boat away from a lake.

The game warden ask ed the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"

"Naw, sir," repli ed the Okie. "I don't ne ed none of them there papers. These
here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish??"

"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let
'em swim 'round for awhile. Then when I whistle,

they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."

"What a line of baloney; you're under arrest."

The r ed neck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment Man. I'll show ya! We do
this all the time!!"

"WE do, now, do WE?" smirk ed the warden. "PROVE it!"

The Okie releas ed the fish into the lake and stood and wait ed . After a few
minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the Okie.

The warden ask ed , "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," repli ed the warden!

"Whut fish?" ask ed the Okie.


MORAL OF THE STORY:

We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some
government employees.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on June 24, 2011, 04:39:55 PM
Here is another good one


A good ole Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What you gonna do with that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."

He says, "I won it ...and I'm a gonna keep it."

His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is. She says, "He's out there in his bass boat," pointing to the field behind the house.

The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand down in the middle of a big field. He yells out to him, "What are you doing?" His brother replies, "I'm fishin'. What does it look like I 'm a doin'?"

His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Alabama a bad name, makin' everybody think we is stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your ass!"

Title: The real difference between men and women
Post by: Joshua R. on July 01, 2011, 08:16:58 AM
If a woman had to choose between saving an infants life or catching a fly ball, the woman would choose to save the infants life without even considering if there was a runner on base.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on July 20, 2011, 04:18:07 PM
I came across this Quote and had to share it is so true.

Procrastination is like Masturbation; In the end you just end up screwing yourself ;)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: redsok on July 20, 2011, 07:37:56 PM
those monkeys had me on the floor!!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: maodiver on July 25, 2011, 12:06:53 PM
Found this as a signature on another board.  It makes me smile

If you are mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore, grab your rifle and head outside. If you're the only dumbass with a rifle screaming like a maniac, go back inside. It isn't time yet
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Kali_Diver on August 18, 2011, 07:09:13 PM
3 Rules for hunting with me and my dog. Rule #1 Dont shoot me. #2 Dont shoot my dog. #3 If you break rule #2 you better be ready to break rule #1.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: gsharp on August 18, 2011, 07:31:47 PM
Found this as a signature on another board.  It makes me smile

If you are mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore, grab your rifle and head outside. If you're the only dumbass with a rifle screaming like a maniac, go back inside. It isn't time yet

Perfect.  I'm going to put this outside my office at work.   I might put a copy on the inside, too.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on September 06, 2011, 05:20:24 PM
Picture of the day !!!!!
(http://s1.postimage.org/sfz38whw/smiley_shark.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/sfz38whw/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on September 13, 2011, 02:03:05 PM
This for the lady divers out there,
(http://s1.postimage.org/d5o140jo/296486_261692673861361_163351923695437_905328_1006862132_n.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/d5o140jo/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on September 13, 2011, 03:00:01 PM
This for the lady divers out there,
(http://s1.postimage.org/d5o140jo/296486_261692673861361_163351923695437_905328_1006862132_n.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/d5o140jo/)

You  should put a set of those  up on the next Ab cook off raffle table  :laughing7:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on September 15, 2011, 05:13:25 PM
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for a clue. The dad said -"Well, it's what Mummy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!"
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: livesinhumboldt on September 15, 2011, 09:38:39 PM
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for a clue. The dad said -"Well, it's what Mummy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!"

LoL ... my kids might say worse.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on November 12, 2011, 12:36:18 PM
Subject: TAX Return - RETURNED!
 
 
The IRS sent my Tax Return back!

In my response to the question : "List all dependents?"

I replied -

 
"12 million illegal immigrants;
"3 million crack heads;
"42 million unemployable people on food stamps,
"2 million people in over 243 prisons;
"Half of Mexico; and
"535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.”

Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Byers on February 24, 2012, 02:59:42 PM
A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas .
>  After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda,
> which was brought and placed before him.
>
> The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
> Appalled, the preacher replied,
 "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by
> women of  ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

 The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
  "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on March 07, 2012, 05:28:36 PM
BAD JOKE OF THE DAY !!!

What is 6 inches long and did not get sucked on Valentines day ?  :dontknow: :dontknow:


Whitney Houston's Crack Pipe !!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on March 09, 2012, 10:21:26 AM
This chick must have learned to cook the same place as my wife.
My Drunk Kitchen Ep. 4: Not Easy, Bake Oven (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTyotI3IHFQ#)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: JASON HOLLIDAY on March 09, 2012, 10:48:39 AM
Hahahaha!! Good one josh.. lmfao
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Brandon Turknett on March 09, 2012, 06:37:41 PM
An eighty year old couple are sitting at the table having breakfast and the wife says hunny after 60 years of marriage my nipples still get hot for you. The old man looks at her and says, thats probably cause ones in your oatmral and ones in your coffee.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on March 09, 2012, 08:46:21 PM
An eighty year old couple are sitting at the table having breakfast and the wife says hunny after 60 years of marriage my nipples still get hot for you. The old man looks at her and says, thats probably cause ones in your oatmral and ones in your coffee.
[/quote

I didnt know i could groan and laugh at the same time,until i read that one.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: NorCal DiverDave on March 11, 2012, 10:16:09 AM
This chick must have learned to cook the same place as my wife.


 :laughing7:
Check this out: http://www.funnyordie.com/search/a?utf8=%E2%9C%93&q=drunk+history&x=10&y=9 (http://www.funnyordie.com/search/a?utf8=%E2%9C%93&q=drunk+history&x=10&y=9)
Jack Black or Will Ferrell
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on March 12, 2012, 11:24:14 PM
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-feed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied..

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did.  He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, ' No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma',    But I'm glad I came.
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on March 16, 2012, 03:18:52 PM
Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting
kicked in the nuts.

Here is proof that they are wrong.

A year or so after giving birth a woman will often say "it might be nice to
have another child".

You never hear a guy say " I would really like another kick in the nuts".

Case closed.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Brandon Turknett on March 16, 2012, 03:43:39 PM
Lmfao, how true is that
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: JASON HOLLIDAY on March 16, 2012, 03:55:57 PM
Read it to the Girlfriend and she said  :thefinger:...lol... I replied with a :pottytrain2:  :bs:  :thefinger: . LoL that scored some points but I still ROTFLMAO esp. cause she didnt like it.. Hope she dont see this cause  :violent5:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: AbDiver Paul on March 20, 2012, 10:52:27 AM

Bagpiper at a  funeral
        As a Piper, I play  many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside  service for a homeless man.
He had no family or friends, so the service was  to be at a Pauper's' cemetery in the back  country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got  lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop  for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the  funeral guy had evidently one and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There  were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating  lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being  late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault  lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started  to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to  gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family  and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless  man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers  began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I  packed up my bagpipes And started for my car. Though my head hung low,  my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of  the workers say;
 
"I NEVER SEEN  NOTHIN' LIKE THAT BEFORE AND I'VE BEEN PUTTING IN SEPTIC TANKS FOR  TWENTY YEARS."

Apparently I'm still lost....it's a man  thing
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Byers on March 22, 2012, 12:29:08 PM
The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper

 

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court.

 

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is."

 

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?

 

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

 

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."

 

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

 

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

 

Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

 

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

 

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Don't you just love lawyers?

Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on March 22, 2012, 05:20:25 PM
One night a man walks into a bar with a pig. The bartender says to the man, "That's a great looking pig, but why does he have a wooden leg?"

So the man says, "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. One night my house was on fire and he dragged me to safety. Saved my life."

The bartender says. "Well, that's great. But why does he have a wooden leg?"

The man says, "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. One time I was out sailing and the boat capsized. This pig swam me to safety. Saved my life."

The bartender says, "That's really terrific, but why the wooden leg?"

The man says, "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. Last week during an earthquake my house collapsed and my pig pulled me out. Saved my life."

And finally the bartender says,"Wow, that is one special pig. He saved you from a fire, an earthquake and from drowning. But why does he have a wooden leg?"

The man says, "When you have a pig this special you can't eat all of it at once."
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Brandon Turknett on March 22, 2012, 06:31:31 PM
I just want to say I really dig this thread. No matter how bad a day I had or how bad I feel about something, I know I can come here for a smile or good laugh. Thanks to all that contribute.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on March 23, 2012, 07:16:35 AM
How is sex like paintball?
You play hard for 30 minutes, get hot and sweaty, and when its over you're glad your not the one that got shot in the face!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on March 23, 2012, 07:45:30 AM
Even cats spearfish !!!!

(http://s17.postimage.org/9tipy30pn/403765_307101275995445_198389830199924_891671_756714779_n.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/9tipy30pn/)


Scuba/shark humor

(http://s14.postimage.org/qe3u0eptp/download.jpg) (http://postimage.org/image/qe3u0eptp/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Rob102 on March 23, 2012, 09:13:51 PM
Here's one guys:

Blonde Mortician

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The Blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
"There's no charge," she says.

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the blonde says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice."

"So I just switched the heads."
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Red Abalone Diving on March 23, 2012, 09:58:35 PM
How is sex like paintball?
You play hard for 30 minutes, get hot and sweaty, and when its over you're glad your not the one that got shot in the face!
Come on this is a public forum!!!Way out of line. Show some constraint and respect.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on March 24, 2012, 08:58:12 AM
Uh oh! Looks like you touched a nerve Matt.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on April 02, 2012, 01:00:14 AM
I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few....

I noticed two large women by the bar.

They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are

you two ladies from Scotland?"

One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said..., "Sorry, are

you two whales from Scotland ?"

That's the last thing I remember...
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Lawdog (AKA "Ling Dinger") on April 02, 2012, 07:33:54 AM
Thanks for the morning laugh!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Sonny on April 02, 2012, 08:21:50 AM
Husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife, just out of the shower, is standing in front of the mirror complaining about how small hear breasts are. After about ten minutes of her going on and on, the husband, who's lying in bed, suggests a sure fire remedy.
He tells her to rub a handfull of tissue paper between her tits every night when she gets out of the shower. "you must be joking" she said. "Nope" he replied, " you just rub a handful of charmin between them and I promise you, in time, they will be enormous"
Surprised at his confidence she asked "what makes you so sure?"
"Well..........IT WORKED FOR YOUR A$$, DIDN'T IT?" :pottytrain2: :bootyshake:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on April 02, 2012, 09:31:30 AM
Husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife, just out of the shower, is standing in front of the mirror complaining about how small hear breasts are. After about ten minutes of her going on and on, the husband, who's lying in bed, suggests a sure fire remedy.
He tells her to rub a handfull of tissue paper between her tits every night when she gets out of the shower. "you must be joking" she said. "Nope" he replied, " you just rub a handful of charmin between them and I promise you, in time, they will be enormous"
Surprised at his confidence she asked "what makes you so sure?"
"Well..........IT WORKED FOR YOUR A$$, DIDN'T IT?" :pottytrain2: :bootyshake:

 And that is when the fight started  :toothy9: :laughing7: :laughing7:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on April 10, 2012, 01:42:15 PM
You can never underestimate the innovativeness of American Farm Boys:

At a high school in Wisconsin, a group of male students played a prank.

They let three goats loose inside the school.

But before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of the
goats: 1, 2 and 4.

School Administrators spent most of the day looking for No. 3.

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are..... And you thought there was nothing to do in Wisconsin!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on April 17, 2012, 10:33:29 PM
In case you havent saw this one,
The Funniest DUI Test Ever (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDzcYerwE4s#)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on April 21, 2012, 09:38:09 AM

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.     

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.   Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.   

Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they
waved it past.  I arrived home safely without incident which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on April 23, 2012, 04:10:15 PM
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk', worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
He wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the
bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers....and the cat can't get it.

He Got An A.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Julian on April 27, 2012, 11:49:48 AM
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his pants and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear these."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her panties and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your panties!"

"And you never will if you don't change your attitude."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"You know what I'm doing here, right?" asks the doctor

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".

Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely just shit my pants."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...

'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."

The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."


Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Julian on May 18, 2012, 02:13:19 PM
(http://i.qkme.me/1u4x.jpg)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: tkdvellone on September 24, 2012, 08:00:11 AM
My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...


Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on December 16, 2012, 05:57:42 PM
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' Then the fight started!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on January 14, 2013, 09:05:17 PM
A WISH TO LIVE FOREVER
 
 
I met a fairy who said she would grant me one wish.
Immediately I said, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."
"OK," I said, "Then, I want to die after Congress gets its head out of its ass!"
 
"You crafty bastard!," said the fairy.
 
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on January 15, 2013, 03:14:47 AM
A WISH TO LIVE FOREVER
 
 
I met a fairy who said she would grant me one wish.
Immediately I said, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."
"OK," I said, "Then, I want to die after Congress gets its head out of its ass!"
 
"You crafty bastard!," said the fairy.

LMFAO !!!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Jacks Diving on January 16, 2013, 08:34:19 AM
"The SASQUATCH"

An avid hunter of the elusive Bigfoot was exploring through the woods looking for evidence of the bigfoot of any Kind. One day he came across a camp and asked the folks,"Have any of you seen the Sasquatch?", they replied,"What is the sasquatch?", the hunter said,"you know, the big, hairy, smelly sasquatch!" The campers said, "no, nothing like that here". So days go on as he travel and he comes across a native riding his horse by the river, the hunter asks,"Have you seen the Sasquatch?", the native replies,"Sasquatch?" the hunter says, "yeah, the sasquatch, the big hairy smelly sasquatch!", the native ponders for a minute and says, "Oh...Oh... you mean the SQWAH SNATCH"
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: livesinhumboldt on January 24, 2013, 08:21:14 PM
How do fish party?? With seaWeed!!!

My sister just text me that... made me laugh
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on January 24, 2013, 10:05:03 PM
a pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says you have a captains wheel attached to your groin and the pirate reply's ARRR I know it driving me nuts
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: eddiethornton on January 25, 2013, 04:58:34 PM
What did the Ocean say to the Beach? Nothing it just Waved!!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on January 30, 2013, 04:14:15 PM
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?



ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid


ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished


(Well OK, this is the best)

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Red Abalone Diving on January 30, 2013, 05:36:46 PM
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?



ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid


ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished


(Well OK, this is the best)

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
I appropriate that one!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: livesinhumboldt on February 01, 2013, 01:03:59 PM
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. "The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my unit one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my unit ... fifty times"
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Jacks Diving on March 22, 2013, 05:22:12 PM
under weighted!!!
Duck Diver! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gz0R_yRxFnw#)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on March 27, 2013, 12:05:35 PM

(http://s17.postimg.org/u0kjmsqmj/shark_joke.jpg) (http://postimg.org/image/u0kjmsqmj/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: ABHUNTER501 on March 27, 2013, 12:24:41 PM
Thats awesome had to print that one. LOL Greg
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on March 28, 2013, 11:00:50 AM
we all knew cats like fish but wow the lengths they will go to, he learned from watching me and jason O'donnle

(http://s10.postimg.org/agd6dzqph/Speara_Kitty.jpg) (http://postimage.org/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on April 22, 2013, 11:10:18 AM
Quote of the year !!!!

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter". - Andy Rooney
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on April 22, 2013, 11:15:28 AM
we all knew cats like fish but wow the lengths they will go to, he learned from watching me and jason O'donnle

(http://s10.postimg.org/agd6dzqph/Speara_Kitty.jpg) (http://postimage.org/)
It was a trap. Fish are sneaky and mean.

(http://s21.postimg.org/6331yeurn/image.jpg) (http://postimg.org/image/6331yeurn/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on April 22, 2013, 11:16:42 AM
Save a kitten, shoot a fish.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on May 13, 2013, 01:27:52 PM
Quote of the day !!!! Reationships are like fat women most do not work out !!!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Jacks Diving on May 13, 2013, 01:46:47 PM
Nice one!! heres two:
1. Fat chicks are like scooters... They're fun until your friends catch you riding one!!
2. This kid was at the breakfast table and his mom said you don't get any milk eggs or bacon because you didn't feed the animals.... so the kid goes outside pissed off and goes to feed the cow and kicks the cow...goes to feed the chickens and kicks the chickens... goes to feed the pigs and kicks a pig and then goes back in the house for breakfast. His mom says "you aren't getting any food", "I saw you kick the animals"... even more pissed he eats his toast and his dad walks in and the cat is in the kitchen so he kicks the cat..... the son looks at his mom and says "should I tell him or are you?"
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on May 17, 2013, 12:23:01 PM
The friday laugh you have to watch it.
Show Them To Me With Subtitles (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16cWiWj--8E#)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Lawdog (AKA "Ling Dinger") on May 17, 2013, 01:59:52 PM
The friday laugh you have to watch it.
Show Them To Me With Subtitles (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16cWiWj--8E#)

LOL....im rolling right now!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Aperry (aka chocolate starfish) on May 17, 2013, 04:11:35 PM
The friday laugh you have to watch it.
Show Them To Me With Subtitles (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16cWiWj--8E#)

Just when you thought it was safe to watch something on the work computer!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on May 17, 2013, 06:53:06 PM
 :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4:
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Spearonico on May 17, 2013, 07:20:56 PM
I dont know if anybody posted this on here yet. But hope ya'll like it


[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: maodiver on May 17, 2013, 08:42:58 PM
Baaaahahahaha

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Spearonico on May 18, 2013, 06:16:22 PM
http://youtu.be/_y4DbZivHCY (http://youtu.be/_y4DbZivHCY)


Brush up on your marine biology. . .
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on June 25, 2013, 03:16:55 PM
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text:
 
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
 
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
 
If you are eating, send me a bite.
 
If you are drinking send me a sip.
 
If you are crying, send me your tears.
 
I love you !
 
The husband, being a typically non-romantic type of guy, replied,
 
“I'm on the toilet.
 
Please advise."
 
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on July 11, 2013, 10:28:20 AM
Somebody I work with sent me this.  I wanna know which one of you sick bastards made it?  ha ha ha.

http://i.imgur.com/UIlWueP.gif (http://i.imgur.com/UIlWueP.gif)

Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: livesinhumboldt on July 11, 2013, 10:47:17 AM
That's too funny, Josh
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: IceColdChuck on July 12, 2013, 09:33:27 PM
This is a real ktvu news report. It's f***ing hilarious but it's sad how pathetic the media is.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1JYHNX8pdo&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Rob102 on July 12, 2013, 10:40:01 PM
This is a real ktvu news report. It's f***ing hilarious but it's sad how pathetic the media is.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1JYHNX8pdo&feature=youtube_gdata_player (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1JYHNX8pdo&feature=youtube_gdata_player)

Funny!
Title: Re: секс знакомс
Post by: Spearonico on July 13, 2013, 07:53:18 AM
спасибо...


Пожалуйста

I hear the call of my people.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on July 15, 2013, 07:18:48 AM
This is a real ktvu news report. It's f***ing hilarious but it's sad how pathetic the media is.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1JYHNX8pdo&feature=youtube_gdata_player (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1JYHNX8pdo&feature=youtube_gdata_player)

I saw on ABC news this morning that Asiana Airlines is suing KTVU for this report.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: jjjjeremy on July 15, 2013, 08:28:37 AM
You know KTVU won't be reporting that!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: IceColdChuck on July 15, 2013, 08:06:49 PM
Omg most amazing dog ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5I_QzPLEjM4
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on July 15, 2013, 09:03:22 PM
that has to be the most bad ass dog I have ever seen. There is nothing he can not do. All I can say is wow !
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on October 04, 2013, 08:01:30 AM

(http://s16.postimg.org/up4brp0ld/jawaonjaws.jpg) (http://postimg.org/image/up4brp0ld/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Lawdog (AKA "Ling Dinger") on October 04, 2013, 09:35:27 AM
Is that Vince on his first dive? The height is about right lol!!!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: VinnieR (Tortuga) on October 04, 2013, 11:58:56 AM
That's a small shark too!

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on October 24, 2013, 03:12:33 PM
here is one for you all LOL !!!!!!  :o ;D be sure to hit play and watch it !!!!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1414814012081257 (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1414814012081257)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Dino222 on October 24, 2013, 03:32:15 PM
here is one for you all LOL !!!!!!  :o ;D be sure to hit play and watch it !!!!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1414814012081257 (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1414814012081257)

That's just wrong !!!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Lawdog (AKA "Ling Dinger") on October 29, 2013, 09:23:50 AM
LOL

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: VinnieR (Tortuga) on October 30, 2013, 08:12:14 AM
If only Shart Week was only once a month! LOL
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on October 30, 2013, 10:55:58 AM
LOL

Is that Chadsquatch 2, the sequel?
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Lawdog (AKA "Ling Dinger") on October 30, 2013, 12:33:47 PM
LOL, thats what happens if we dont pull over fast enough!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on December 03, 2013, 12:41:44 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsmSPWqAJhg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsmSPWqAJhg)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Lawdog (AKA "Ling Dinger") on January 10, 2014, 09:08:36 AM
Thought we could use a laugh

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Joshua R. on February 05, 2014, 09:56:04 PM
freakin hilarious

http://elpeji.com/2014/01/20/shark-killed-by-tourist-bite-in-costa-rica-causes-activist-outrage/ (http://elpeji.com/2014/01/20/shark-killed-by-tourist-bite-in-costa-rica-causes-activist-outrage/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Brandon Turknett on February 06, 2014, 07:26:21 AM
Dudes baddass!!!!  I think the eco nazis should be put in the water with one and see who gets bit. Lol
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Calif_Diver on February 10, 2014, 12:56:16 PM
doughboy dies
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
and trauma complications from being repeatedly poked in the belly. He
was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry
Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and
Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man
who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota,
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled
with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much
of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at
times, he lived to be a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll
model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough,
Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also
survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

P.S.: If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the
occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone
else who may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift.
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Flipper on February 10, 2014, 07:21:53 PM
OMg!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on March 01, 2014, 10:11:16 AM
HJ's for the Homeless (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3xJeUNpDOA#)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Luckydivah on March 16, 2014, 09:33:12 AM
that is hilarious  :D
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Stinkbait on March 16, 2014, 09:58:09 AM
^^  ;D thats awesome
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: underwater1 on October 13, 2014, 01:26:50 PM
http://www.tickld.com/x/the-best-amazon-review-ever-this-man-is-hilarious?fb_action_ids=754000984673627&fb_action_types=og.likes (http://www.tickld.com/x/the-best-amazon-review-ever-this-man-is-hilarious?fb_action_ids=754000984673627&fb_action_types=og.likes)


Waterman reviews hair removal product.  Laughed so hard I couldn't breath.


Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on December 10, 2014, 12:33:47 PM
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I too...k out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

http://FowlFanatics.com (http://FowlFanatics.com)

Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: maodiver on December 10, 2014, 02:05:16 PM
Ladies Night.

Two women go out for ladies night, and get completely ripped.  They decide that they have to walk home and start on their Merry way.  A little bit into the walk, both ladies need to stop and pee.  Being that they were next to the cemetery, they went inside and did their business.

They both realized at the same time that they had nothing to wipe with.  One lady took off her panties and wiped with that.  The other lady grabbed a wreath off of a grave and used that.  Both of them then went home, none the worse for wear.

Next morning the husband of one woman called the husband of the other and screamed, "NO MORE LADIES NIGHT!!  Last night my wife came home without panties..."

The other man replied, "That's nothing, my wife came home with a card lodged in her crack, which read, "Thanks for all the great times!!!  We will never forget you!  Signed, Firefighters of Station 1""
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: IceColdChuck on December 14, 2014, 11:31:21 AM
I was out drinking with some friends last night, and one of them tripped on the sidewalk, fell at a weird angle and cracked something in his hip. We went to the hospital with him and spent most of the night there. Apparently he had done major damage.

Check out the x-ray




[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: jjjjeremy on December 14, 2014, 12:10:58 PM
hmmm, radiologists usually aren't very attractive......
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: StinkyPete on December 14, 2014, 12:44:17 PM
I was out drinking with some friends last night, and one of them tripped on the sidewalk, fell at a weird angle and cracked something in his hip. We went to the hospital with him and spent most of the night there. Apparently he had done major damage.

Check out the x-ray

So is this your buddy?

http://nypost.com/2014/09/22/the-living-hell-of-the-man-who-orgasms-100-times-a-day/ (http://nypost.com/2014/09/22/the-living-hell-of-the-man-who-orgasms-100-times-a-day/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: IceColdChuck on December 15, 2014, 01:55:55 PM
A pedophile was walking a long a cliff when he saw a little boy, sitting on the edge of the cliff and crying. "What's wrong little boy?" he said. The boy just pointed to the beach below where a car wreck and the dead bodies of the boy's parents could clearly be discerned. The pedophile stopped for a minute, unzipped his pants, and said "this just isn't your day is it?"
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Rob102 on December 15, 2014, 05:52:35 PM
hmmm, radiologists usually aren't very attractive......

Just to be sure, are you saying you find that X-ray attractive?  I know you're into big swords, but...
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: CabKing65 on December 16, 2014, 01:03:58 AM
Where do Fish Deposit Money?
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: jjjjeremy on December 16, 2014, 05:13:15 PM

hmmm, radiologists usually aren't very attractive......

Just to be sure, are you saying you find that X-ray attractive?  I know you're into big swords, but...

An x-ray and a radiologist are two different things Rob, and neither are particularly attractive. Maybe you we're thinking of your friend XXX-Raymond?
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on January 09, 2015, 01:38:57 PM
Picture of the day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(http://s29.postimg.org/l8yz13rlv/10931416_10205927310811394_294702610163489065_n.jpg) (http://postimg.org/image/l8yz13rlv/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on March 26, 2015, 11:48:20 AM
It has been a long bizzy week and figured some silly humor was in need,

What is the a pirates favorite letter in the alpha-bit ?

let me give you a hint it is not R ?????????? it is the C

How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ear?

Bucc an eer
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Scallop shooter on March 27, 2015, 01:33:21 PM
How to catch a polar bear????
Cut hole in ice
Put a few frozen pees around hole
When the bear tries to take a pee

Kick him in the icehole 
My buddies 5grader called that the 5th grade joke of the day.
 So from then on,any silly joke was called "the 5th grade joke of the day"
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Scallop shooter on March 27, 2015, 01:33:32 PM
How to catch a polar bear????
Cut hole in ice
Put a few frozen pees around hole
When the bear tries to take a pee

Kick him in the icehole 
My buddies 5grader called that the 5th grade joke of the day.
 So from then on,any silly joke was called "the 5th grade joke of the day"
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: AquaManIvan on March 27, 2015, 03:23:27 PM
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob ‘s hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old tractor.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
 
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, “What the world’re ya doing, Billy Bob ?”
 
“Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me,” says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.
 
“But me’n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d’partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.”
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: IceColdChuck on May 06, 2015, 11:15:06 AM
Coincidentally, almost immediately after reading this...

http://m.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Ominous-signs-of-problems-with-new-Bay-Bridge-s-6244776.php

...I overheard one of the builders of the bay bridge talking to his son.

"When I first came here this was all swamp. They told me I was a fool to build a bridge in the swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show them. That bridge sank into the swamp. I built a second bridge, that too sank into the swamp. I built a third bridge, that bridge burned down, fell over, and sank into the swamp. But the fourth bridge, that bridge still stands. And that son is what I'm going to leave you, the strongest bridge in all of California"
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Dustinfulmer1 on May 08, 2015, 04:10:45 PM
Got a sweet package from Jason B. Today! A few spearing mags to keep me sane for awhile! I appreciate it bro!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Stinkbait on May 08, 2015, 04:16:51 PM
Swamp ass is a serious issue bro... Wipe well!
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: BigJim on May 09, 2015, 09:13:23 AM
Got a sweet package from Jason B. Today! A few spearing mags to keep me sane for awhile! I appreciate it bro!

LOL!!!

Awesome!!!

 8)

Sincerely,

Jim
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on January 28, 2016, 02:38:57 PM

(http://s30.postimg.org/nunclbhp9/944080_558754270944862_2588085474454456075_n.jpg) (http://postimg.org/image/nunclbhp9/)



(http://s30.postimg.org/olg2r3k2l/12661944_10208624615002313_6105923562536478220_n.jpg) (http://postimg.org/image/olg2r3k2l/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on April 18, 2016, 02:04:25 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/ayxJhWi.jpg)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on April 25, 2016, 01:36:09 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/XKe42bT.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/cM0PAUJ.jpg)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on April 28, 2016, 03:02:07 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/UFowDdJ.jpg)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on May 26, 2016, 01:38:25 PM
A couple of memes I made up this week


(http://i.imgur.com/KRpoDEJ.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/6J6ZClS.jpg)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on June 07, 2016, 01:23:59 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/MkM0Rqh.jpg)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: ryang85 on June 07, 2016, 10:45:29 PM
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160608/1024334c4e247d81dbbd15e8a2be8d49.jpg)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on June 10, 2016, 02:49:19 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/ZVj6xjf.jpg)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: ryang85 on May 19, 2018, 09:15:30 AM
This is how the entire spring has been so far. 


Long range forcast shows next saturday being a 4 foot swell.  Could be a decent day. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180519/7f3a861adaf81ff82fed4c3f857164b4.jpg)

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: MATT MATTISON on June 14, 2018, 12:12:26 PM
You can tell it's summer on Russian River and coast, cause the all the annoying creatures show up !!!!!!! This is so true !!!!
(https://s15.postimg.cc/lbvjh6yzr/35144943_1924597167591335_5568976933842059264_n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/image/lbvjh6yzr/)
Title: Re: Funny stuff, video's,jokes and what not !
Post by: Shark Slayer on June 14, 2018, 06:54:09 PM
You can tell it's summer on Russian River and coast, cause the all the annoying creatures show up !!!!!!!
Hey,
I resemble one of those creatures!